How do we escape, yet live our lives?
Title: How Do We Escape, Yet Live Our Lives? ~ Chapter 12 ~
Pairings: JaeHo/YooJae, YooSu, ChangTa/KeiMin, Min7en, Min/Siwon, Min/Heechul, Siwon/Heechul, others possibly.
Rating: 18 - (sexual content, situations and language)
Genre: Everything, Love, Life, Romance, lust, sex, violence, drug addiction.
Summary: This is basically about the boys and their lives and all the ups and downs, highs and lows, their problems etc like a soap/drama hehe :D
Disclaimer: I don't own the boys, nor do they know i am writing this, even though i wish i did own them! lol! *dirty mind - drools*
~ Chapter 12 ~ Fallen Angel ~
~ Chapter 13 ~ The Power Of Love ~
~ Chapter 14 ~ Together ~
~ Chapter 15 ~ 인사 (Insa) ~
~ Chapter 16 ~ 안녕 (Annyong)~
~ Chapter 17 ~ Lost ~
~ Chapter 18 ~ Found ~
~ Chapter 19 ~ Cherry Blossoms ~
~ Chapter 20 ~ Hope For The Future ~
A/N: WARNING! This chapter is v dark and sad!
~ Chapter 12 ~ Fallen Angel ~
He awoke to an immense amount of pain, aching and pressure in his fragile heart, he thought it would soon die, lying here in the eternal darkness of the B’n’B room.
No one had come to the room, the little dank depressing room, or was it just his mind? He could no longer tell what was real and what wasn’t anymore…
He had barely moved from the bed, it had been a week and two days, he thought he heard his Yunnie yesterday banging on the door; he dismissed it as his dreams of his saviour.
He stopped eating altogether after three days of barely eating, he looked awful and barely drank; only water, every now and then, otherwise he was locked in a maze which was being held deep deep within the darkest and most impure reaches of his tortured mind.
He thought he would succumb to a long and drawn out time on this earth without anyone, it had all become to much for him to bear, he would never wish the way his mind works on anyone, not even his worst enemy; for it always always attacked him from the inside out at any opportunity it got it attacked and never gave up, it was a nasty feeling, something to always be weary of, constantly guarding against himself.
He eventually had worked his way into an even darker place yet, yes it was possible…
He knew what he should do to stop the pain of losing his family, friends and his one and only lover, he loved Yunho truly and deeply, forever more and then more still. He honestly did not know what to do with himself or how to live his life without his Yunho there to hold his hand when he’s scared, kiss away the pain of past memories, to hold him when he is cold, to look at him and see only pure love in his eyes.
He thought of Yunho as true, pure and honest, his saviour his protector, his knight in shining armour his prince… he would be finally be able to be happy, truly happy with his new ‘family’ and his perfect boyfriend, he helped him out of the darkness and into the light, even though it stung, he made it through the rain because Yunho was the other side waiting for him there, to wrap him up warmly and safely.
He got up out of his messy and dirty bed, zombie like and wandered into the kitchen and risked a glance outside the window, nothing.
He was settled with himself, with everything, he was thinking clearer than he had been for a long time, he extended a skeletal hand shaking form weakness and malnutrition, even paler than a ghost he was now; gripping at one of the long, wide and sharp knives in the wooden knife block. He pulled it out stealthily and examined it with tired eyes, nodding slightly he was satisfied with the look of the blade which stared coolly at him showing his skeletal reflection.
He went and sat in the bed again, back resting against the dark and dimly lit wall, the door remained looked, he took one last deep breath, sighed a little and then…
Yunho left it two days and then met up with the other boys who hadn’t been around to check on Jaejoong as they all agreed it would be best to leave him for a little while, they all had a lovely lunch whilst giving Yunho some tips as to what he could do, “hyung! Why don’t you buy him a big box of chocolates and some really pretty flowers too! Jaejoong’s favourite ones of course!” Junsu piped up whilst in the middle of eating his bulgogi, “no way, hyung, you should write him a love note or something… hmm… like I dunno but something from your heart maybe?”, Changmin tried to add grown-up like to the conversation, last was Yoochun, who was just finishing his pint of beer and bibimbap, “Yunho-hyung, I think you should just go and see him and talk to him, just let it all out to him, let him know how you feel, how you felt and what you are going to do now, like you are going to love him as much as possible or something like that”, he then smiled his large happy smile which the others always loved to see, it made them feel lighter at seeing Yoochun smiling; it also turned Junsu on… very much, so he tried to avert his eyes form his Chunnie.
Yunho went deep into thought for a moment and then decided, “Ahh! I know, I will do what you said Yoochun, but I will also do the others, thank you boys.”
They went soon after to the B'n'B to see Jaejoong, they stopped a few steps away and let Yunho knock by himself, “Jaejoong-ah! JaeJoongie… please open the door I want to… no, I need to talk to you!, I need to tell you tat… that I still love you!, Jaejoong-ah, please open the door, I will always love you!, I don’t care about the past, because it is the past… and… and that’s it” he stopped banging down the door and turned sullenly away form the dark blue door. He walked towards the boys, “looks like he’s either not in or doesn’t want to see anyone yet, lets go boys, lets try again soon eh” they nodded, but Junsu, who had become ‘keeper of the key’ thrust it out towards Yunho and motioned for him to take it and just go in anyway, Yunho refused to take it and insisted they give him time, they all agreed that would be the best for all concerned. They went off to do what they had planned that day… which was nothing much.
He slid the sharp knife expertly, from all the cooking he does, across the perfect skin of his wrists, he swapped hands and slit his right wrist and then sat back and closed his eyes and drifted off on an imaginary sea of dark red blood… his world and all the material was being stained slowly and creepily a dark and evil scarlet.
Whilst on the way home, Junsu sprang on Yoochun that after they had snuck out of his parents house in the wee small hours after visiting, his parents want to see Yoochun again and get to know him properly. The older boy looked like a hunted man, but said he was okay with it, after all he had survived one time he can surely survive another time no?... however there was something in Junsu’s eyes and tone that made him worry, what awaited him at the Kim’s house?
They continued the journey back to their flash apartment in a contemplative silence, with only the music for company. Junsu later told Yoochun that in about a weeks’ time is when they were to meet the Kim’s again… this time at a top restaurant in Seoul.
A week went by, since their first visit to Jaejoong with Yunho. Changmin went and met with Don Wook, who needed to talk to him about something, so they met at a little English café, it looked like it had been plucked straight out of Seven Dials in London.*
They met and a metal small white ceramic pot of red/English tea arrived at their table, along with two small cups and a small jug of milk, there were various types of sugar in packets on the table in a black ceramic pot, along with a couple of menus.
They kissed and hugged each other at greeting, Don Wook looked like he was apprehensive, he was agitated, “Changmin-ah, I Ahh, I have to tell you, that I told my family that I am gay and tat I am going out with a beautiful and perfectly charming and super intelligent boy called Changmin… so they Ahh, want to meet you”, he smiled shyly at a shocked Changmin, who only gaped at the sudden rush of information.
“Ahhhh umm that’s cool, I’m sure they are great! And omg, hunny, why didn’t you tell me what you did!? I would have made sure I was nearby for you if I was needed!” Changmin smiled sweetly at his boo.
“Ahh I dunno, I just didn’t want to put this on your head and beside you have enough to deal with as it is, but I’m glad you are okay with things baby.”
“Hehe its cool, so when is this meeting then?” ….. “Errr…. What’s the date today?” “Hmm it’s the 19th of September, why?” ……………………………………….
“Err its tonight! Omg I’m soo sorry babe I forgot! Omg quickly drink your tea lets get ready! ...please”
Changmin finished his tea calmly and then proceeded to beat Don Wook a la k-drama.
A few days passed between the group visit to see Jaejoong, Yunho was back outside his door, banging it down and shouting to talk to Jaejoong, he was soon shooed from the room by another renter.
He tried again, this time, he wouldn’t move and he would go in the evening when he was sure Jaejoong would be in, if he hadn’t been in before, he got the key off Junsu earlier on in the day.
He started off as usual and then after a while he realised that this tact wasn’t working, so he used the golden but plain key in the lock of the dark blue door, it creaked open and Yunho called out to Jaejoong as he turned on the lights and stepped into the room.
He was immediately drawn to the horrific scene on the bed, the mess that was Jaejoong nearly made Yunho sick, his only reaction was to scream out for his loved one, “Jaejoong ah!!!!!!! Nooo!!!! JaeJoongie!” he screamed as he ran over to his boyfriend who was lying in an almost lack coloured pool of blood, he was clearly unconscious, the knife was still in his left hand, Yunho shook it free and then reached for his mobile phone, whilst talking to his Jaejoong, begging his only love in his life, his light, to stay with him, “Jaejoong ah, JaeJoongie, my Jae, JaeJae… please ple.. plu.. please st.. sstay.. please stay with me Jae, I love you too much for you to leave me baby please don’t go… plea – oh hhello ca can I have an ambulance please, my boyfriend has slit his.. he has slit his wrists, there’s blood everywhere, he’s unconscious! We are at the central Seoul western hotel, room 69, please hurry, please please.” Yunho could only hold his Jaejoong close to him, he clutched him close to his warm and strong chest, rocking silently whispering his need and his love into Jaejoong’s ear.
The ambulance came soon and they checked the wounds and wrapped him up, they carted him off in the ambulance and when Yunho got to the hospital and they had taken Jaejoong into check his wounds and sort him out, Yunho phoned the other boys, interrupting them in what ever they were doing. They all rushed to their friend’s sides. They all sat down and waited, they were told that Jaejoong was severely undernourished, had lost a lot of blood, he bled easily and he was in a bad way.
~ End of Chapter 12 ~ Fallen Angel ~
A/N: Seven Dials, is a section in London, there is a small monument which is the Seven Dials monument, at the top of this pointed column are seven dials :P hehe hence the name, it’s a nice little area, with nice clothes shops, cafes, restaurants and bars etc, which comes under Covent garden.
X-POSTED AT, HUG, JaeHo DETOX AND MY LJ.