spudacus_1 (spudacus_1) wrote,

~ How do we escape, yet live our lives? ~ Chapter 3 ~ THE LOSS OF ME ~

How do we escape, yet live our lives?



Author: Spudacus
Chaptered Fic ~ Chapter 3 Of ??? ~

Rating: NC17/18(sexual content & language)
Pairings: JaeHo/YoonJae, YooSu, ChangTa/KeiMin, Min/Siwon, Min/Heechul and Siwon/Heechul Others Possibly.
Everything, Love, life, romance, lust, sex, violence, light drug addiction, like a drama I suppose.
omg I don’t know what to say really! :D , this is basically about the boys and their lives etc and their problems and all that, a bit like a drama/soap! :D

Disclaimer: I don’t own the boys, nor do they know I am writing this and I wish I did own them haahah lol *dirty/naughty mind takes over lol*


A/N: This is my first chaptered fic! YAY! I hope you all like this one, I’m quite excited about it! :D please tell me what you think! :D thank you! :D ENJOY!


~ Prologue ~

~ Chapter 1 ~

~ Chapter 2 ~




Feeling tired and exhausted for seemingly no reason, he went to bed early. The pressure of everything that had built up, all the hurt, pain, anguish, lust, need, wanting, class problems, everything had finally got to Yunho.


That night, as he was lying in his large, Chinese character embroidered single bed, he was crying. Crying for everything that had, is and had yet to cause him pain, anguish, denial and suffering.


Yunho had a big and very overactive imagination. The annoying thing about the mind is that it carries on thinking and visualising things, when you just wish it would stop, but alas, it cannot be stopped, and so the pressure, hurting and pain in Yunho’s head was almost unbearable.

He put his strong hands up to his head and actually held it while he cried and screamed out for all the pain, hurting and anguish, held deep inside for far too long and denied for even longer, to stop and for it to go away.


This was made worse by his imagination, taking over and visualising the feelings that had suddenly hit him and then he could see and feel the walls and roof of his mind collapsing in on themselves, just piling up on top of each other. He was so scared that he cried even harder and louder, his tears and cries had become like that of an unstoppable and undeniable torrent of water, cascading its way harshly through, in and around his weakened mind, body and soul…..


He eventually stopped crying out and let go of the clasp on his perfect head, the tears easing and slowing.

He then started to realise that something had to give, something small or big, sooner or later.


Sleep then came rapidly to him and consumed him whole. He slept like a log, until morning made its presence felt once again with the birds singing up high. 

Upon waking, Yunho couldn’t feel his emotions anymore, he felt like he was in an emotional black hole, very few things at that moment in time and space made any sense to him, so he just lay there staring up at his crisp white ceiling, searching for a way to make himself better, but to no avail.


Yunho was quick, that’s for sure and, it didn’t take long to believe that he’d had a mini-breakdown last night, the price to pay for those walls collapsing were his emotions and his mental stability.


 He now felt a little barren, as if his emotions had been turned off, that he had lost them. He was even more confused about everything.

Hunger pangs finally hit him hard and so he decided it was time to get up and have some breakfast, his parents had already gone to work and it was a day off for him anyway.


When he finished eating his cereal, he washed up the bowl and spoon in the large sink in the large kitchen, it was all painted in a range of blues and it was all very stylish with its silver furnishings.

Yunho lived in a big expensive house, the whole street was like that and his father was the managing director of a big international company called:

Jung Enterprises.


He was being sent to a very prestigious school, he was soon to leave there and go to college in central Seoul, the tremendous pressure boring into him relentlessly was unbearable, and he was expected to do extremely well in all of his classes.


His family had his life all planned out for him: he was to get his degree at university and then go to train at his father’s company so he knew all about it then he was to take it over, then they would find him a pretty wife, they would marry and settle down, then the process would carry on and on and on and on……BUT! This was about as far away from Yunho’s own plans as it was possible to get, he wanted to go into music and dance, he was good, everyone knew and said so, then he was to travel the world and learn new and exciting things and just live his life the way it goes.


Yunho went off upstairs, stripped off to nothing and then went into his deep blue tiled on-suite shower and took a deeply relaxing shower, whilst there he realised that he wondered what it was like to have sex in the shower, the thought aroused him instantly, how could he refuse his penis some much needed attention.


So he slid his wet hands down his wet, lightly tanned sexy body, to meet and take a firm hold on his soft skinned cock, he started to pull his foreskin back and forth slowly, whilst feeling the tickling of the warm water as  it beat down upon his skin and his cock. He increased his speed and grip, he fell against the steamed up blue tiles and threw his head all around as he was coming close to climaxing, *pant**pant**pant* he pumped even harder and faster, his free left hand sliding up, down and around his body, he finally grunted out whilst panting hard and fast *ahhhh, hmmm, grrahhh ahhhh, ahhhh hhahahaaaaahaaaa, pant pant pant pant*, his milky white semen came out at high speed and hit the tiles opposite him, his body was moving uncontrollably as he still carried on pumping until he could take no more. He continued to wash himself and cleaned the cum off the wall, then returned to his room.      


Yunho dried himself off in the middle of his bedroom, then placed his figure hugging clothes on his bed, applied his deodorant and got dressed. He decided to go out to the shops and for a walk through the big park with the Japanese Peace Pagoda, all situated by the river, he needed to be soothed by shop-therapy and by the gentleness of one of his favourite parks, he could then sit quietly and reflect on his thoughts and his feelings.


He felt like he was completely and utterly lost, like he had lost himself somewhere along the way.




The car sped along the endlessly empty road.


The driver looked over at Jaejoong, who was sitting quietly with his head down slightly, trying not to think about everything and just trying to focus on his future.


The man could see something was wrong and what was worse, was that a beautiful young man was clearly upset and he couldn’t handle that…..ever.


He turned to Jaejoong and stated simply, “It will be between just you and I, you can tell me what happed, something clearly did, so maybe you should talk about it eh”


Jaejoong was stunned at this and his head jerked to look at the pretty man beside him, ‘well there is no harm in telling him I suppose’, Jae thought to himself, “okay then, well I told my whole family that I am gay and a lot of them, well the ones that mattered at least, kicked me out of the house and called me a disgrace and all manner of things, I was going to leave home soon anyway and go to central Seoul for college, I have a flat that I hope is waiting for me when I get there, I don’t have a job and I wouldn’t know where to find one either.”


There was an awkward silence while the man processed what he had just heard, then he slowed the car down and looked at Jaejoong who was sighing in the general direction of his window, looking through it at nothing in particular, “hey well if you are in need of a job anytime, he is my card, or even anything at all, okay just phone me and I will help you, I think you would be great at the line of work I can get you into”, the man proffered a little white card with the man’s name and phone number on, his name Jaejoong read, was:


TEL: 090 440 673 24

Entrepreneur & Service Provider


He smiled at the man and said thank you to him, and they drove on in silence, as Jaejoong pocketed the card.


The red sports car entered under the great old stone gates of Seoul city, a physical memory of a long forgotten period in Korea’s history, ‘the glory days’ Jaejoong’s father said to him frequently on their trips to Seoul when he and his siblings were younger. He remembered being amazed at all the lights and the hustle and bustle about the place and whenever they drove under that old entrance he always felt quite small and yet kind of important.


Those trips were not that common as his family did not have much money, his mother ran a small loans business in the town’s markets and his father worked in a factory for a big company called:


Jung Enterprises.


They drove through the packed city, it was lit up like a Christmas tree as it was past dusk already, he marvelled once again at the brilliance of it all and as a child he always dreamt of living and working in Seoul.


He was let off by a bus stop near to his awaiting apartment, and he bid the driver farewell and said, “Thank you very much for everything, drive safely. Goodbye”, the man nodded and returned Jaejoong’s goodbye, he waved and went off in his car leaving Jaejoong behind with his bags.


He picked them up and turned with the drawn map in his hands and he wandered off down the side road and found the apartment of his new landlord, he was to go there first so that he could be given his keys and his tour, it started to rain steadily and so he quickly got to the door and knocked on it.


He waited then knocked again after no reply came, then the door opened and out stepped an older gruff looking rotund fellow in a dirty green string vest and dirty grey jogging bottoms, he just looked at Jaejoong standing there, now wearing his hood, but was still wet and getting wetter.


Jaejoong started, “h...hi there, I'm Kim Jaejoong, I am here for my apartment, it’s number 33, I was told to…” the man cut him off before he was able to finish his sentence, “stop, I am sorry there mate, but your parents withdrew their deposit by phone half an hour ago for some reason, I sorry but I had to rent it to someone else, good luck eh and goodbye”.


Jaejoong just stood there with his mouth gaping, the rain pouring down onto him without a care in the world, it’s own purpose is to fall and make wet anything it come into contact with.

The door was shut and Jaejoong turned away from the dilapidated building and started to slowly make his way across the busy road with little care, towards the nice little park opposite.


He found a lone bench, which the sight of stuck a chord in his heart, he found some respite from the rain there as the over hanging tree partially sheltered the tree from the downpour.


He could not believe that his parents would do that to him.

‘They wouldn’t do that to me, would they? Do they hate me this much, to take away my home. I have nothing, nothing left in this world, my heart and head hurts, I can’t think straight, what am I to do, I have not even got a job yet’, he thought to himself while the tears just casually fell, becoming one with the falling cold rain, ‘at least’ he thought, ‘the rain is hiding my tears from many passers-by’. He sat and cried for a while, he could feel the chill in settling into his bones.


He felt like he was completely and utterly lost, like he had lost himself somewhere.


He eventually shoved his hands into his coat pockets and felt something in one of them, he withdrew the white card and re-read it. He remembered what Mr Lee Jun Ki had told him earlier about phoning him if he needed any assistance. So he looked up again into the wet and gloomy darkness which surrounded him, then fumbled around for his mobile and rang the number printed on the card, he waited for an answer, it was his last and only hope now.





I wanted this chapter to be about just Yunho and Jaejoong folks, I will update the next chapter (4) next week, and that has all of them in there, but more on the rest of the boys okay! :D


I don’t know how or why I added in Lee Jun-Ki but well I did hehehe I think it’s a nice addition and there are still a few more characters to introduce.


AND, have you all noticed that EVERYONE is linked in some way? Hehehe in all of the chapters, see if you can all spot them! :D Hehehe




Tags: changta, chaptered fic, drama, everything, jaeho, keimin, min/heechul, min/siwon, siwon/heecul, soap, yoonjae, yoosu
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